My Best Side

OK, so I’m just going to start writing and see where this takes me. I haven’t been completely honest with you all. I mean, I haven’t lied, at least not intentionally, but everything I have ever posted on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and on here, has always been the part of me that I wanted you to see, the part I have always thought you wanted to see; in other words, my best side. Isn’t that what everyone does on social media these days?

But from this moment, from right now, I’m going to make a commitment to keep it real. Why? Because a very wise woman once said that the more authentic you become the more you surround yourself with authentic people, and I want to know all you authentic people out there! People who have good and bad days, bed hair, slightly-crooked teeth, who drops things, get writer’s block, who procrastinate, and sometimes just sometimes, wonder what on earth we are all doing here.

Everything I have written so far is true. I live in a lovely village in Hertfordshire, England, I am a writer, I do have a wonderful cat called Henry, and I enjoy the beautiful countryside where I live. I am also stuck in bed most of the time. Why? Because I have M.E. For those that don’t know, it’s an auto-immune disease that affects pretty much every part of the body. There are multiple symptoms, often different for everyone, which include muscle weakness, pain, and chronic fatigue.

I also have P.T.S.D. Perhaps this is the primary reason for writing today. I’m feeling pretty triggered right now and it’s quite hard to concentrate on anything, much less write. They call it hypervigilance. Basically, I don’t feel safe, my senses are heightened, and I seem to have lost sight of the off button. Why? Well, a combination of things. A good friend’s daughter was violently raped last week, I’m anxious about the Coronavirus, I have just read the tragic news about Caroline Flack, and there is a storm raging outside and I am terrified my beautiful oak tree is going to get blown over.

So yeah, the epic masterpiece that is my WIP is sitting beside me untouched and I’m doing everything I can to distract myself. Here’s me keeping it real. How are you doing?


5 thoughts on “My Best Side

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  1. Olivia, Blessings for you and for all that you are going through. I hope you see improvement soon. Thank you for your post. I commented elsewhere on a similar thread that I am awkward, especially on social media. My posts are always just a little bit “off.” I forget things, the pictures aren’t the right size, I’m a mess with hashtags. And if you think that’s bad, you should see my disaster of a monthly newsletter which I struggle every month to put together. I’ve decided to embrace the awkwardness and use the hashtag #awkwardauthorposts. I will never be or look slick and polished. Not in real life and not online. All the best to you.

  2. (Ah… now your tweet has more context for me.)

    Thank you for sharing this with us. I understand that it’s difficult to know how vulnerable to be online. I struggle to find a balance between authenticity and privacy. I guess it’s a balance we all have to figure out for ourselves. 🙂

    1. Yes, I think it is possible to overshare and I’m hoping to bring some balance to what I write about. 9 days out of 10 I’m full of joy and optimism but it all sounds a bit shallow when I pretend that it’s always day and never night.

      1. So true.

        Pretending doesn’t help, but then feeling sorry for myself and constantly griping doesn’t either.

        My sister says it’s like a pendulum. You swing too far one way, then too far the other way. But each time you swing, you stay nearer to the middle ground.


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