Reasonable Limits

I was in a conversation with a group of people earlier today in which we discussed the concept of reasonable limits. We asked ourselves what it might look like for us to set reasonable limits in various areas of our lives. I smiled ruefully when this topic came up because I know that in my world reasonable limits simply do not exist. I am utterly incapable of setting reasonable limits on anything. For example, I cannot set reasonable limits on how much I volunteer. Left to my own devices, my hand shoots in the air as soon as someone else utters the words, “would anyone be willing,” often before I have even heard what I am being asked to do. Thankfully, so far, no one has asked me to jump out of a plane or work in the reptile house at London Zoo, but regardless of where my compulsive volunteering takes me, one thing it inevitably leads to is overload.

This is true in terms of my food intake, the hours I work, the amount I spend, and the number of people I try to stay in touch with. Piece by piece I overload my literal and proverbial plate to the point where it is impossible for me to hold it together. My bank balance suffers, my body starts to break down, my mind starts to crack up and my spirit starts to isolate. It is a collective recipe of toxicity and drama that can lead to ruin.

So, what’s the solution to all of this? I can tell you what it’s not. I cannot just pull myself together and get on with it. I am completely powerless over any attempts to moderate my life. That doesn’t mean I have no will-power. I have a very strong will indeed. It’s just that it doesn’t work when battling my compulsivity. I have found that the only way to find any kind of balance in my life is to rely entirely on the God of my understanding and have God set the reasonable limits in my life. It’s not for me to decide what I put on my plate, which volunteer positions I put myself forward for, how I spend my time and my money. Rather, I need to discern what God knows to be good for me. Sometimes, this means I need to cut things out completely. For example, I have largely cut out sugar from life. Sometimes it means I need to build in a pause button that forces me to wait before doing something. I now never say yes to volunteering for something immediately. I always pray it through with God first.

How do I hear God? Through readings, prayer, meditation and conversations with friends. How do I know it is God’s voice I am hearing? If it increases the fruit of God’s Spirit in my life – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control then it is likely to be from God. If it robs me of any of those things, then it is quite possibly not from God and not good for me.

Without God, there are no reasonable limits in my life. With God I can find moderation, abstinence, clarity and hope and above all peace, knowing that even though I am completely powerless, his power is made perfect in my weakness.

A Spring Clean of the Mind

I always used to say, “don’t come to me with a problem unless you are prepared to be a part of the solution.” It doesn’t mean that you need to have all the answers, it just means you need to be willing to contribute. It’s easy to point out the problems and deficiencies of this world, it’s much more difficult to be prepared to get down in the mud and mire and help one another dig ourselves out of a hole.

To be willing to be a part of the solution, we must first face that fact that we are part of the problem. How easy it is to point the finger of blame at everyone besides ourselves with a cry of “injustice” and how “life isn’t fair.” I for one am afraid to concede my foibles and failings because I am terrified that if I admit them then people will discover that I am the worst person in the world and will want to help me to focus on said foibles and failings. If I give up that ground, how can I possibly ever believe that they will give up theirs?

Yet the reality is that our personal shortcomings have nothing to do with those of others. What is on our side of the street is firmly intrenched there. Whether or not other people decide to look in the mirror is actually irrelevant. We can only keep our side clean. We can only live one life well. If we spend too much time taking up residence in other people’s heads, or if we invite them into our own heads to take up space, then we are losing perspective on our own lives, we are prone to assumptions, false expectations and a mountain of resentments.

But looking in the mirror isn’t about self flagellation and hatred. It isn’t about low self esteem and self neglect or self abuse, it is actually about kindness, love and humility. It’s about knowing who we are, whose we are, and where we stand in relation to the rest of humanity, in the whole of creation, and before our creator. We are not bad people. But we do sometimes do bad things. The good news is that we can do something about it. With the help of our Creator, we can put things right, we can tidy up our side of the street, we can weed the gardens of our souls, we can finally go to bed with a clear conscience and we can know peace.

I don’t know about you, but my life is a bit of a mess right now. Paperwork has been neglected, I have hardly unpacked from the last trip I went on, my mind is scrambled, and my body feels like it has been pummelled into a million pieces. I want to be part of the solution. One step at a time, one day at a time. What about you?